How This Happened
How did this happen? Well, I was watching Cracked Up: The Darrel Hammond Story on Netflix. For those that may not know the story, it is the story of a man who was abused by his mother when he was a young boy. The abuse was so horrific that his mind repressed those memories. He engaged in self-harming behavior, like self-cutting. It was his way of keeping the memories buried. When one would start to surface, he would cut himself. It was very hard to watch but he found an amazing doctor and now speaks at conferences for mental health practitioners.
I encourage you to check out the website Crackedupmovie.com. There are resources, further information about the movie, and most importantly, you will know you are not alone. Watching that movie changed my life. It has been a very long time since I lived in an abusive environment, twenty-eight years ago this August, to be exact.
But I have never forgotten how it felt to be so completely powerless in what felt like a neverending nightmare. The effects of abuse stay with you throughout your life. I still react and interact with the world much the same as I learned to when I was a child.
This original goal of this blog was to demonstrate coaching. It was a business development avenue. After several months of not writing about coaching, I realized that my goal is to demonstrate something much different; survival.
This blog has become the telling of a story. A very real story about a girl who dreamed of a better existence. When times got bad, that same girl dreamed of no existence. Because nothing was better than the something she was going through. In case you haven’t figured it out, that little girl is me.
This blog is about that journey. The one that I am still on. I am hopeful that perhaps my journey will help someone else. You are not alone.